How a Non-Morning Person Tackles a VERY Early Morning

February 25, 2019 11:00 AM

I’m not a morning person. I never have been. At times, I’ve found that having dogs can collide with my natural inclination to sleep-in past, say, dawn. That was not the case this morning. This morning I got woke up before dawn. Several hours before dawn, actually, and it wasn’t even the dogs’ fault this time.

This morning at 4:42 AM, I woke up to Herbie, one of our cats, hoarking up a mondo hairball at the end of our bed. He not only woke up me, but he also woke up the dogs, who really didn’t appreciate getting up that early, either. I don’t think Herbie cared about the dirty looks that any of us gave him, though. He just proceeded to defile the end of the bed, jumped down and started to groom himself so that he has enough ammunition for the next hairball, which is due in about four days, according to his schedule.

Herbieheart

Herbie, the hairball hoarker. This picture is courtesy of our awesome pet sitter, Addy from Prad’s Posh Pet Care. I especially like the hearts that look like devil horns because that pretty much sums up Herbie’s personality. Sweet but naughty.

There aren’t too many moments in human or pet parenthood that quite compare to having to get up and clean up a stinky, grody hairball at 4:42 in the morning with two grumpy dogs who refuse to move off the covers that need to be removed from the bed. The only moment that comes to mind is being barfed on by a small child who assures you he isn’t going to get sick when he crawls into bed with you in the middle of the night. That was worse. But this was close.

After I stripped off the quilt, the blankets and the top sheet and found a different quilt to use for the rest of the night, I was pretty much up for day. Did I mention I am not a morning person? I went to bed around 1 am last night. It does not thrill me to be up before the sun for any reason, but it’s especially unpleasent when I haven’t been asleep for even four hours. At least today, I was productive with my extra time that should have been dedicated to sleeping.

So far, I’ve done four loads of laundry (mattress pad, sheets, blanket and quilt), cooked eight pounds of dog food and two pounds of German potato salad to use up the bacon Dennis defrosted this weekend but we never got around to frying. I’ve straightened the house, cleaned the kitchen, did the dishes, scrubbed the shower and took a shower, did my hair and put on make-up. I even put mascara on my eyebrows! (I didn’t know that was a thing before this morning when I was watching Youtube videos on my iPad while debating if I should get up or not.) It actually works pretty well. Who knew!

I suppose there are benefits to getting up that early. I’ve got a full days worth of chores done before 11 am which frees me up for the rest of the day to write. Or play video games. And maybe nap. Probably definitely nap. That is the only silver lining to getting woke up that early on this very cold (it’s 3 degrees outside according to my phone) Monday morning. I got stuff done.

Of course, half the stuff I did (laundry) wouldn’t have needed to be done if Herbie had jumped down off the bed and barfed on the floor like a gentleman. Maybe next time. I’ll know in another four days or so.

11:19 AM

Christmas with an INFJ and Five Four-legged Hoodlums

December 21, 2018 4:03 PM

I’m not a fan of Christmas. I don’t think of myself as a Scrooge character, per se. It’s not like I begrudge other’s from enjoying the holiday season — whichever holiday it is they choose to celebrate. Christmas and all the hoopla that surrounds it just seems to touch on everything I hate. Here’s a few of the major challenges I face every year.

Socializing. My Myers Briggs personality type is INFJ. The I stands for introverted. (Read more about INFJ in I Always Knew I was an Odd Duck )That means I don’t like large gatherings of people of any kind. I define a large gathering as a guest list with over four in attendance. Unless there are playing cards involved. Then I’m good with six, maybe seven in attendance at the most. Since most Christmas get-togethers involve more than four people and do not involve playing cards, I generally avoid them whenever possible.

Awkward gift-giving. When you give a gift and they don’t – or worse, they give a gift and you don’t. I realized this year that I inadvertently put myself and my neighbor in this position.

My neighbor has dogs. I have dogs. We’ve become a bit friendly in the past couple of years because of our conversations about the dogs — as in are your large, unleashed German Shepards going to eat my small Pomeranian mix? And I’m really sorry my old, cranky Bichon Mix bit your unleashed miniature poodle who wandered into my yard while my dog was leashed.

Seriously. My neighbor is a very nice guy. Who doesn’t leash his dogs. But I like dogs and his dogs are friendly, friendlier than mine are, so it’s all good. Last fall, around early November, I had accumulated a bunch of new toys that my dogs didn’t like for whatever reason. I put them all in a bag and gave them to the neighbor thinking his dogs might like them. Christmas Eve last year, the neighbor showed up with doggie gift boxes for my dogs and, horror of horrors, I had nothing for him. Not so much as a Christmas card (because I don’t send Christmas cards). I was so embarrassed. I’ve been embarrassed for the past year because of my faux pas. I was determined that it wouldn’t happen again this year.

I shopped in early December and bought doggie toys for the neighbor’s dogs. (No, I didn’t buy him three leashes, although I was tempted). I wrapped some of the toys and put bows on the gift boxes. I’ve been ready for him to stop over with his Christmas gift for two weeks. This afternoon, I saw he was outside so I sent Dennis out with the bag of gifts for his dogs. I even put in a Christmas card. (I got several sent to me when I donated to an animal fund).

When Dennis gave the gifts to the neighbor, the neighbor looked at the bag in horror and said, “Oh no, not again this year!”

Oh my God. The neighbor misinterpreted my dumping off gently used dog toys last year as an early Christmas gift! He was reciprocating my used toys with his Christmas gift last year. It’s like the reverse Gift of the Magi. Neither one of us wants to exchange Christmas gifts but we’re doing it anyway.

God, I really hate Christmas. INFJ’s don’t have nearly enough tact or social skills to deal with these kinds of situations. (Doug, if you happen to read this blog, please don’t reciprocate with a gift this year. We’ll call it even and ignore Christmas next year!)

Christmas Cards. I like getting mail as much as the next guy, but then there’s the problem of what to do with the cards I receive. Do I put them on the mantle and let the cats knock them down and the dogs chew the paper? Do I scotch tape them to a door frame and let the cat chew the scotch tape, knock down the cards and have the dogs chew them? It seems like a shame not to display them. And it seems like shame to read them and throw them away. So I end up tucking them away in my bill box for a month until I need the space for all the Christmas bills that are pouring in and I throw them away in February and feel guilty for not enjoying them more. Only an INFJ can feel guilty about a Christmas card.

I did send Christmas cards once upon a time when I still bowed to the social expectations of the holiday. I didn’t enjoy it. I never knew what to say. I always ended up sending them out on the 23rd so most people didn’t get their card before the holiday anyway. Slowly, I parsed down my list to only the really old relatives who would be offended if they didn’t get one. Now those relatives are all dead, so I don’t send out any cards out any more. I know that probably sounds tactless and harsh, but it’s the truth. If you don’t get a Christmas card from me, don’t be offended. Be flattered. You’re not old in my eyes.

Holiday Decorating. This one is probably the greatest bane of my holiday hate-list. I do not like decorating anything. Houses. Christmas Trees. Cookies. Don’t like decorating any of them. Christmas is nothing if not all about the decorating.

Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy a nicely decorated house for Christmas. I just don’t want to do it. And I don’t have a talent for it so when I did do it, it didn’t look very good. Plus, there’s the five four-legged hoodlums that rule the house which would destroy a Christmas tree and, more importantly, make themselves sick from eating stuff they’re not supposed to. One cat eats ribbon, tinsel and bows. Two cats eat plastic. All of them eat yarn. One dog steals whatever is dangling within his reach and eats it. Any Christmas decoration I have has to be something that’s not tempting to eat, chew or climb. That leaves this.

xmas

This is a small ceramic Christmas tree I bought for my mom at a craft fair thirty-two years ago. We unplug it and put it in a cabinet every night so the four-legged hoodlum cats can’t knock it off the table.  There’s also a small fabric Christmas tree on the kitchen table which you can sort of see in the corner of the picture. It’s crooked and bit sad seeing as how I’m not the greatest seamstress. It’s also bare, since a hoodlum cat pulled off all the bows last year, and I had to remove the bells because another hoodlum cat was trying to eat them, but at least it’s something.

Holiday Baking. I like to cook. I do not like to bake. It’s fussy and it requires lots of measuring which means lots of things to wash. However, I do have fond memories of Christmas cookies and do feel that having a few of the standby’s are a necessity for Christmas. So I suck it up and bake Pecan Fingers and Peanut Butter Blossom cookies every year. On a good year I’ll do a roll out sugar cookie and decorate it with colored sugar which is much quicker than going the royal icing route.

One thing I do like about holiday baking is I get to look through the baking section of my recipe books which is something I don’t do very often since I don’t bake very often. It’s like looking through a scrapbook. I have many, many handwritten recipes from my mom, my grandma, my aunt and even a great aunt.

aunt gladys2

My mom baked a batch of cookies for Christmas as a gift for me eleven years ago. My Aunt Gladys made them for me when I was little and I love them. Mom included the original handwritten recipe for the cookies and these pictures. My mom’s handwriting is on the top gift tag. The picture is of my Aunt Gladys (in the middle) my mom when she was fourteen (on the right) and her cousin, Myrtle, (on the left) in downtown Milwaukee. The year is 1943. I love the hairstyles and street car in the background.  The picture on the right is of my Aunt Gladys in her later years in 1975.

 

aunt gladys

This is the original recipe written in my Aunt Gladys’ handwriting. I don’t think I’ve ever made the recipe myself because they’re super putzy.

stangels

My grandma’s original recipe for Stangels, a German cookie with walnuts and meringue on top. Love these and I may get ambitious yet this year and make them. 

almond cookie

Also my grandma’s recipe card for Almond Cookies. They’re hard to make, almost like making a pastry crust with ground almonds. They were my dad’s favorite and I made them a few times for him after my grandma died. Since they’re hard to make and require rolling out the dough to cut them out and decorating, I haven’t made them in years.

 

This year I ran across a cookbook my kindergarten teacher made for my class in 1971. All our mother’s sent in their favorite holiday recipe and the teacher compiled it in a book. I remember we got to draw a picture of ourselves at the bottom of the recipe. My picture is really big. Apparently, I had no problem with self-image at the age of 5.

kinder cook

Dig that funky seventies wallpaper cover! I remember picking that pattern out. I picked it because I liked the pink and orange combination. I still do like pink and orange together.

kinder 2

me

There I am! An artist, I am not, even back then. It’s funny, but I don’t think my mom ever made this recipe. If she did, I don’t remember it. And who puts raisins in Snickerdoodles? C’mon, Mom! 

paul

This one made me sad. Paul was my first best friend and he taught me how to ride a two-wheeler bike. Paul passed away, far too young, around twenty years ago.

Which brings me to my last Christmas complaint. Melancholy. This time of year is a hard one for many people and many people have much more difficult circumstances to over come than I do. They deal with true tragedy — like I’m sure Paul’s family does this time of year. I don’t deal with tragedy. I deal with the passage of time and the losses that inevitably occur because of it. Especially if one is lucky enough, like I have been, to experience the passage of time for the past fifty-two years.

Most of the time I do not struggle with sadness and depression, but the holidays do tend to hit me a bit harder than they used to since my son is grown and moved away and my parents have passed away. Dennis and I were talking about this the other day, and I reminded him that we have to remember we are in the good years of life. We’ve lost some people in our lives, but we are together and healthy and someday, when we’re old and possibly alone because one of us has died, we’ll look back on these Christmases we grumbled about as the “good times.”

Did I mention that INFJ personality types are supposed to the perfect personality to be a counselor? I think I’m missing that aspect of the personality type. All my patients would be suicidal after a couple of sessions with me.

In spite of the parts of Christmas I don’t like, I do very much like seeing my son for the holidays and all the fun and non-social activities that go along with it. I look forward to it all year and I cherish the memories during the following one. That’s the part of Christmas to hang on to.

Tonight is the Winter Solstice. I am a fan of the solstices, winter and summer. It’s a time when I look back on the 6 months from the last one and take measure of where I’m at. Yay or Nay? Yay means things are as good or better than they were six months ago. Nay means they’re worse.

This year’s Winter Solstice? A residing Yay. 2018 is one of the good years.

5:10 PM

 

Man Plans and God Laughs

October 3rd, 2018

10:18 am

My house has become a high-tech monitoring facility this week, complete with cameras and a four-way live feed that I can monitor where ever I am.  It’s handy, but unnerving at the same time, having the sole responsibility to ensure all is well.

This is not the normal modus operandi of the house. Sure, we do have security cameras set-up, but we only use them when we leave the house to make sure Sammy isn’t barking constantly while we’re gone. Most of the time they’re unplugged when we’re home because being constantly recorded gives me the creeps.

This week is different. All camera’s are plugged in and carefully placed at the most critical points of the house. I have the four-way live feed up on my iPad most of the time and I have email alerts that notify me when any animal has entered quadrants 1 and 3, just in case I miss the an event on the live feed.

Inkedquad view_LI

It’s not been a fun week. It’s not been the week I was expecting at all, as a matter of fact. I remember my mom used to say, “Man makes plans and God laughs.” That pretty much sums up my week.

Dennis was out of town for several days this week for work. While I wasn’t looking forward to him being gone, I was looking forward to getting a lot of work done on the revision of my book, running some errands I’ve been putting off, and cooking myself a few meals from my mom’s recipes that I love but he doesn’t. (German meatballs with sauerkraut, and homemade apple sauce and potato pancakes made with lots of onion. Yum!) I went so far as to pull out the recipes this weekend, and gather all the ingredients I would need to execute the meals, so I could hit the ground running Monday afternoon when he flew out.

It wasn’t a half hour after Dennis left on Monday, that I noticed Frankie, the not-the-favorite-animal that I have a really big soft spot for, was visiting the litter box often. Like every few minutes often. This is never a good sign.

The next time he went in, I spied on him and saw that he was trying to urinate but he could not. I witnessed this happening  four times in various kitty boxes throughout the house in the span of ten minutes.

I freaked out. This is something I always watch for with my boy cats because I know the build up of crystals can cause blockages and that is very serious. I immediately called my vet, my wonderful vet, Pewaukee Veterinary Service. It was 4:30 pm now and I was afraid they wouldn’t take me. At first the receptionist said there were indeed booked until 7:30 when they closed, however, she transferred me over to a medical coordinator. I was expecting her to tell me to make a trip to Emergency Pet Care, which is the animal equivalent of waiting in a human ER while the most serious cases go first. I’ve only been there two horrible times before and I was dreading a third visit, on my own, because Dennis was due to fly out that night.

Thankfully, once I told the Medical Coordinator what was going on, she told me to bring Frankie over immediately and they would see him. This is the reason I love this place. The health of the animal is more important than their schedule. This is also the reason I sometimes have a longer wait there, too, for routine appointments. I never complain when that happens because I know why they’re behind schedule and I’m so grateful that I’m not the reason why. But this time I was the reason why, and it really, really scared me.

I should note that Monday night was not a peaceful night to begin with in my area. The weather forecast was predicting rain, possible thunderstorms and a good chance of flooding. Not the kind of night where I ever intended to leave the house. But man makes plans and God laughs, so there I was, driving my beloved sick cat to the vet in the middle of rush hour traffic while a deluge of rain was coming down.

I tried to stay calm so I could focus on my driving, which was difficult because there was a lot of traffic and it was dark and hard to see the lanes because of the glare of the water on the roads. Staying calm was hard and I know my hands were shaking the entire drive. I was trying not to think about blockages, tumors, cancer and surgery. Maybe it was just a bladder infection, I told myself. Please let it be a bladder infection. You know you’re having a truly shitty day, when the up-side of a situation is a bladder infection.

Pewaukee vet was very compassionate and they got us a room ready right away. They also gave us one of the two most experienced vets, one of the brothers who started the business thirty years ago. I’ve been with Pewaukee Vet since they opened their practice, and I’ve seen this vet many, many times. I have great confidence in him so I was relieved I got to see him.

They immediately took Frankie in the back room where they have their diagnostic equipment for his exam and I sat, by myself, in the exam room, craning my ears to hear snippets of what they were doing to Frankie. It was a long wait. I kept repeating over and over in my head like a mantra, “please let it be a bladder infection, please don’t let him need surgery.” I’m not sure if this is praying, exactly, but it’s the closest I come to it.

After close to a half hour wait, Dr. Jeff came in to talk to me. He said they determined there wasn’t a blockage which was great, however, they didn’t know what was wrong and his bladder was so empty they weren’t able to take a urine sample. They asked if they could keep Frankie there until they closed at 7:30 to observe him and try to get a sample. Of course, I agreed.

I left the vet’s office feeling hollow and empty. Showing up to a vet with an animal and leaving the vet without one is a horrible feeling, and it brings back horrible memories of other visits with other beloved animals who didn’t return home with me. I was still extremely upset, even though they told me they would only keep him for a couple of hours. If they found something serious, I knew that those couple hours would be extended to overnight or worse.

I took a few minutes to compose myself in the parking lot before I drove home. Driving in the heavy traffic and pouring rain while crying sounded like a bad idea. Even though it was close to 5:30, and the dog’s dinner was already a half hour late and they were probably barking up a storm at home, I waited until I felt I could drive.

Once I got home, waiting for the minutes to tick away until I could drive back and get Frankie was excruciatingly slow.  Going through the ritual of feeding the dogs helped and gave me something to do, but that only took fifteen minutes. By 6:15, they were fed and let outside, and I still had an hour before I needed to leave to get Frankie. What to do? Eat dinner? I hadn’t eaten since 11 that morning, but I wasn’t hungry at all. Work on revisions on my book? Nope. I couldn’t concentrate. I settled for watching tv, keeping the mantra running through my head, please, let it be a bladder infection, please let it be a bladder infection…

At 7:10, I couldn’t take it anymore, and I left for the vet five minutes early. I knew I would be early, but I just couldn’t sit at home anymore and besides, maybe they would be done with Frankie early, and I could take him home. Any minute I can save Frankie from being locked up in a cage in a vet’s office is worth my taking the chance of waiting longer in the vet’s office if he wasn’t ready.

Well, he wasn’t ready. But I wasn’t early either, because the drive to the vet was horrendous. It was really pouring rain now and intersections were beginning to puddle. It was even harder to see the lanes this time, because there wasn’t much traffic out and I didn’t have a car in front of me to follow.

I waited in the same room as before for fifteen minutes, while I strained to hear what might be going on in back with Frankie. Finally, I heard Dr. Jeff say they should try to get a sample again. My heart sunk. Frankie had been there all that time and they weren’t able to get a sample. Something must really be wrong.

Ten minutes later, Dr. Jeff brought Frankie back in the room in his carrier. He told me he hadn’t peed at all in his cage, which they would expect if he was having severe problems. So that was good. And they were finally able to get enough sample to test. He asked if I’d mind waiting while they ran some tests.

Would I mind waiting? Of course not! I was just so grateful they were willing to continue to work on the case after their working hours. My wait in the examining room was much better this time because Frankie was with me, and boy, was he happy to see me. I got many, many head rubs and kisses, which, of course, I enjoyed, but also gave me hope that he wasn’t too sick because sick animals aren’t generally as energetic and animated as Frankie was. His entire belly was soaked with rubbing alcohol and Frankie even let me dry him off with some Kleenex. He was as happy to see me as I was to see him.

When Dr. Jeff finally came back he said there was nothing obvious that he found that was wrong. There were no crystals, although there still could be some because they can be too small to see. But certainly nothing that would cause a blockage. I asked about the bladder infection and Dr. Jeff told me it was very, very rare to see them in cats, so he wouldn’t get me antibiotics to treat that. He said he was going to grow some cultures over the next few days to see if there was anything bacterial happening, but he wouldn’t know the results on that until Wednesday.

So where does this leave us, I asked. Dr. Jeff sent me home with an anti-inflammatory I had already given Frankie for another problem earlier that day, and pain medication I could give if things got bad. That was it. No diagnosis. No reason. Everything looked okay, which is good, but having no reason for it happening means it can happen again. I guess this wasn’t as bad a Frankie having to have surgery, but it’s a close second, because now I had to closely monitor him and see if it happens again.

I left the office with Frankie in tow, and I sent up a silent thanks to whoever or whatever might be up there intervening in this situation, for letting me bring Frankie back home with me that night. I was grateful they didn’t find anything serious, but I was overwhelmed at what that would mean for my next few days at home, alone without Dennis.

The first thing I did was to move two cameras into the spots where the cat boxes are. One downstairs, one upstairs. I turned on email notifications that tell me whenever there is activity in those rooms. Unfortunately, the turning on of a light near the cameras constitutes activity and an email gets sent. I’ve been spending a lot of time sorting through emails to see what is valid to check and what is not.

Whenever the cat box is used, by any of the 3 cats, I scoop, so I always know I’m starting with a fresh box when Frankie uses it. If the box is empty when he goes in, and there’s something when he comes out, I know everything is fine. If it’s empty when he goes in and empty when he comes out, then I know there’s a problem.

I’ve also been monitoring where Frankie is at all times, and I’ve been watching his behavior. Is he playing as much as normal? Is he sleeping as much as normal? Does he always lick himself that much? It’s exhausting and probably unnecessary, but I’m compelled to do it anyway. If Dennis were here, we would share the responsibility and he would tell me when I’m being paranoid. I’ve been telling myself I’m being paranoid, but I don’t believe myself the way I believe it when Dennis says it.

I’ve been trying to coax Frankie to drink more water. I found he’ll drink a bit of tuna water on occasion. Yesterday, he went the entire day without drinking, which had me concerned until I was watching the live feed in the kitchen from bed late last night and I saw him get two long drinks two separate times. So, apparently, Frankie is like a camel. He soaks up liquid once a day and that’s it. Although, this morning, I tempted him to drink water from a running faucet in my bathroom. He seemed to really like that, so I’m going to try to make that part of our regular morning routine.

Reviewing the recorded footage from overnight has become the first thing I do in the morning. I compare cat box visits that were recorded with cat box deposits. It’s like balancing a ledger. One visit +one deposit = no problem. Two visits + 1 deposit = cause for concern. So far, I’m thankful to report, my ledger has balanced.

Yesterday morning, I had to give Frankie an anti-inflammatory pill. I wasn’t sure how I was going to do this, since Dennis and I struggle to give him a pill with both of us. Worst case scenario, I would have to drive him back to the vet and have a vet tech help me. But I really didn’t want to stress out Frankie by taking him back there, so I gave it a try on my own. He was sleeping in his cat gym, and I woke him up, popped the pill in his mouth, and shot syringe of water down his throat before he could object. It actually worked really well. I’m going to have to remember that one.

Dr. Jeff called yesterday, on his day off, to check on how Frankie was doing. I told him about our cameras, and that I knew he’d used the litter box a few times appropriately, and he didn’t have a recurrence of any problems so far. Dr. Jeff told me if he continues to not have an issue through the day, that I can skip the anti-inflammatory for Wednesday and see how he does. He still didn’t find anything growing in the culture, but he’s still waiting.

One change I have noticed throughout this, is that Frankie is becoming a bit more anxious. I firmly believe that animals pick up on the actions and the energy their people put out. I think my constant checking and staring at him for the past few days is freaking him out. So today, I’m trying to back off a bit. I still check on him, but I pretend I’m getting something from the room he’s in and just give him a quick glance or pat on the head like I normally would. It seems to be working. He’s much more relaxed today.

It’s been a long week and I’ll be glad when Dennis is home tonight. Having the potential of something happening to Frankie again when we don’t know why, weighs on me constantly. I’m afraid to leave the house, in case it flares up when I’m gone. There will be no one here to notice it, or to take him back to the vet. The errands I was going to run will have to wait another week. Okay, I did make a quick run to the drive thru at Culver’s last night for dinner. I still was too stressed to be hungry but I figured I should eat something, and I wanted to bring the dogs back a treat since they’ve had a crappy week, too. There’s been no walks or sitting outside with them, because I’m afraid to leave Frankie alone for too long.

I know I’m being paranoid, but that’s where I’m at for now. I’m sure as more days pass uneventfully, the paranoia will fade. I’m sure once Dennis is here to tell me I’m over reacting, I’ll feel better, too. It is what it is, for now. And I sure wish we had a diagnosis, so I knew what caused it to happen so I know how to prevent it in the future.

This morning, Frankie was normal. He greeted me, begged for some of the dog food and played with the other cats. I know all signs are good, and he’s probably good, too. However, this is also his first day without the anti-inflammatory med, so I’m going to keep my handy 4-way camera surveillance close at hand for another day.

frankie

Frankie enjoying our summer weather this morning.

frankie tail

Frankie hiding under the blanket to nail the next unsuspecting animal that jumps up there.

frankie foot

A Frankie foot peeking out, searching for someone to play with.

frankie loung 2

Chilling with me as I write this blog. Looks pretty happy to me.

As far as making my mom’s recipes go this week, I don’t see that happening, either. I’ll be lucky if I can motivate myself to put in a frozen pizza tonight. I did get a lot of revision work done yesterday on my book, though. The cats normally sleep in the afternoon, and I was able to keep close watch on them with my surveillance cameras while I worked. At least one of my plans worked out this week.

Man makes plans and God laughs.

11:54 AM (I gave myself extra time because I had to get up and check on Frankie four times while I was writing this.)

My Shower Buddy?

September 25, 2018

This morning I shared the shower with a man that wasn’t my husband. And it wasn’t by my choice, either.

Frankie, the not-the-favorite pet (I Didn’t Sign Up for This!) is a jumper.  When he was a kitten he had enormous feet. We were sure he would grow up to be a twenty-pound cat. But, he didn’t. He grew up to be a ten-pound cat with really big feet. A light body weight + big feet = Very High Jumping Abilities.

This cat can jump, straight up, over six-feet. I know this because I’ve had to remove pictures from the wall that he was jumping up from the floor to swat at. (Most cats like to shove things off of flat surfaces; soda cans, vases, knickknacks, etc. Frankie also likes to swat things off walls which is why I have bare spots on my walls pictures should be.) Any wall space that is within his reach when he’s on a flat surface is fair game. There is nothing over our mantle. The cute bird picture that hung in my kitchen fell prey to a swift swat from a Frankie foot off the top of the refrigerator. He even swats at the TV’s that are hung, although, thankfully, he hasn’t been able to knock one of those off the wall. Yet.

About a year ago, Frankie discovered that he could jump from the seat in our shower to the top of the railinig that holds the shower door. Since I’m not very good at describing showers, here is a picture. The top railing is two inches in width.

shower

See the top of the shower? Frankie was jumping up there.

Once he was on top of the railing, he would walk across it like he was on a balance beam, turn around and jump straight down to the floor. All on 2 inches! It scared the heck out of me every time. I was sure he was going to fall into the shower and hurt himself, or hurt himself on the way down straight to the floor. I don’t know how high shower doors are but I think it has to be at least six feet, if not more.

In order to mitigate the risk, we implemented a two-pronged approach to squelch the jumping. (A bit of my IT background just snuck out there, sorry!)

The first preventative measure was processed based. We simply would close the door to the bathroom at all times. Easier said than done. I kept forgetting and Frankie kept jumping, so I posted signs, on both sides of the bathroom door to remind me.

door

A handwritten sign stuck on a door with strapping tape is a lovely addition to any Master Bedroom decor, don’t you think?

There is a duplicate sign on the bathroom side of the door, as well.

The second preventative measure we implemented was to purchase a cabinet that would allow Frankie a path down from the railing other than jumping straight down.  Unfortunately, that also gave Frankie an easier path UP to the railing.

pathway

Frankie can go from the railing to the cabinet to the toilet top to the toilet seat to the floor. This is great fun for a cat.

Once we got the cabinet installed (we had to bolt it to the wall to make sure it was steady when Frankie jumped on it), I upped my vigilance on making sure the bathroom door was closed. Dennis even installed a sensor on the bathroom door to tell us on our smart phones if it’s opened or closed. (I think he got sick of running upstairs to check for me because I could never remember if I closed it or not.)

This has worked well for the past year. As long as I follow the process. There have been a couple of instances when Frankie came into the bathroom while I was putting my make up on and he got up to the railing again. The path down (and up!) works very well.

This morning, I was taking a shower and out of the corner of my eye, I saw something move. It literally made me jump as I’m not used to things moving in the shower other than me. I looked up and there sat Frankie peering down on me from the top of the railing, with shower spray hitting him. He didn’t seem at all concerned about getting wet. He was too intent on watching me. It wasn’t that loving, your-my-human look, either. It was the judgmental, I-can’t-believe-you-ate-Chick-Fil-A-this-morning look.

I freaked out. I had soap everywhere, including in my eyes, and I’m too short to simply reach up and get Frankie down off the railing. I have to coax him down the path from the outside of the shower. What to do? Call for Dennis to get him down? Too risky. Dennis was downstairs and my yelling could startle Frankie and cause him to fall. Get out all soapy and coax him down? Yeah, possible, but not my first choice. I settled on finishing my shower in record time, keeping eye contact with Frankie the whole time and using my Mom-voice to tell him not to move.

Once I got out, I was able to carefully coax him down (I figured the railing must be slippery because it was wet) with his favorite bath toy, a bath scrunchie. I held one hand up to try to catch him if he fell while he manuvered his way across the railing and down to the cabinet. Whew. All’s well that end’s well, but that wasn’t how I expected my day to start. I guess that’s my penance for eating to Chick-fil-A for breakfast.

I think I’m going to have to post a sign on the shower, too, reminding me to close the bathroom door!

frankie

After his exciting morning on the shower, Frankie curled up on his pillow and went to sleep. He was still damp, but he didn’t seem to mind.

 

10:24 AM

 

 

 

 

I Didn’t Sign Up for This!

September 23, 2018 8:20 AM

Last night, I did something that I haven’t done in probably fifteen years; I babysat. The dogs. I guess, technically, it’s not babysitting when they’re your own furry kids, but it still felt like it. There was some place I would rather have been, but I couldn’t go, because Sammy can’t be left alone for over an hour without barking. Dennis got to go and I got stuck at home minding the kids. This wasn’t what I had in mind when I got a dog.

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Sammy, the problem child.

Although, I have to admit, a lot things came along with parenting my non-furry child, as well, that I didn’t expect. I guess that’s just part of being a parent regardless of the species you’re parenting.  Being there for whatever comes along, good or bad.

the pack

The rewarding part of parenthood. Sammy, snuggled on my lap outside by the fire.

I am especially happy that I didn’t grumble at my kennel for the mix-up when Dennis and I traveled to Philadelphia the week before last, because they saved me this week. You can read about it here Bucking the Universe – Part 3. There is someplace important that Dennis and I need to be on Thursday. Instead of just picking up and going, which is what most 50-something empty-nesters do, I had to arrange for childcare. My kennel was the only option given the amount of time we needed to be gone.

I called them and explained the situation. Even though it was a last-minute arrangement, they agreed to take the dogs for the day. That was a relief, however it also means that our day needs to revolve around the time frame of the pick-up and drop-off times at the kennel. Because of our situation, the kennel was very nice and agreed to let me drop the dogs off at 7 am (normally, the drop off is 8, but there’s a three hour drive involved in our destination, so we needed to leave as early as possible.) An overnight wasn’t possible on Wednesday or Thursday at the kennel; I checked. So, we’ll do what every parent does. We’ll do what we have to do and make the best of it.

However, this means that we will drive six hours-ish and we’ll have about 3 1/2 hours at our destination. Not ideal, but it’s the best option I could come up with, other than me staying home again, which isn’t an option I’m willing to consider this time. I’m crossing my fingers that we don’t hit heavy traffic on the way home and miss our pick up time. I honestly don’t know what the kennel would do if that happened since they don’t have space for them to stay the night. I figure that the travel gods owe me one after the Philadelphia trip, so, hopefully, it’ll be okay.

We do need to come up with a long-term solution to this problem, however. Last time this happened, we put Sammy on 10 mg of Prozac for six weeks. It did solve the problem, we were able to leave for a day, have a pet sitter check in with him a couple of times, and he was fine. No barking. However, it took away his personality, too. There was no Sammy-spark. He didn’t play with toys and he slept most of the time. It was like he went from age 2 to age 15 overnight. That’s not a good long-term solution.

This time, we’re still trying Prozac, but the vet cut the dosage to 5 mg. We have noticed a marginal improvement in the barking when we’re gone, but only for about an hour to an hour and a half, max. He starts to get nervous at 1 hour and he starts pacing the house. When he does that, I know that barking isn’t far behind.

Other options we’ve considered:

1.  Enroll the dogs in doggy daycare. Probably won’t work since neither one gets along with other dogs. Charlie barks and  growls at other dogs, Sammy just barks. They would both get a ‘N’ for Needs Improvement in the Works and Plays well with Others category on their kindergarten report card.

2.  Hire a babysitter to stay with them. This one might have merit, although it sounds really dumb to have to hire a babysitter to stay with a dog. I have to think it would be a pretty sweet babysitting gig for a 14-year-old. The problem with this one goes back to the doggy day care problem. In addition to not getting along with other dogs, Sammy doesn’t like new people. And by new people I mean he barks his head off at anyone that comes into the house that isn’t Dennis or me or our pet sitter. It doesn’t matter how many times he’s seen them, he still barks non-stop. The barking duration will be shorter, say fifteen minutes, if he’s somewhat familiar with a person. Fifteen ear-splitting, brain piercing, teeth-grinding minutes. The pitch Sammy hits when he barks is just a tad higher than a smoke alarm’s shriek and he’s easily as loud. This is the best case scenario. If the person is a stranger, he’ll bark non-stop until they leave. Maybe this wouldn’t be such a sweet gig for a baby sitter.

To avoid the constant barking at the babysitter, I’d have to get Sammy to get comfortable with them before we left him alone. I’d have to have the babysitter over several times a week, in half hour stints until Sammy got to know them. Which would take a couple of months. That sounds like a lot to expect from a 14-year-old baby sitter. Not to mention we’d have to teenager-proof our house. Lock up the liquor and lock down all the smutty cable channels. (I was flipping through stations looking for something to watch last night and I was amazed at the amount of porn available for only $9.99 at the click of a button. Even the descriptions of the programs were R-rated!)

3. Build them their own space apart from the house, so when Sammy barks, the cats aren’t affected. Poor Charlie would still have to deal with it, though. This idea is actually new; a friend suggested it Dennis last night. It is doable since we have a lot of room in our now-clean, 3-car garage. That empty space was meant for the pool, which probably isn’t happening now, and even if it does, it’ll go in rec room not the basement.

Dennis could build a wall and parse off a smaller room in the garage where we could insulate and put carpeting down. We can heat and air condition it through a free-standing heater that’s safe to run all the time (we have them in the bedroom because it always seems to be too hot or too cold on the second floor). We could bring up the old love seat from the rec room and put it by the window. They could look out the window and sleep on it (assuming Sammy ever calms down enough to sleep). I’m not sure this would work in the dead of winter because I think the floors would still be too cold, but it’s definitely an idea that has merit. I am concerned about Charlie being stuck with the barking, but he is anyway in the house, so I don’t know that it matters that much. I would leave Charlie in the house, and put Sammy in the his doggy-den, but Charlie barks non-stop without Sammy.

4. Put the dogs in the rec room so there’s more distance between the barking and the cats. We’ve tried this and both dogs bark non-stop in the rec room. Charlie is louder than Sammy, so the barking is still pretty loud even on the second floor.

5. Do nothing, let Sammy bark; it’s not like it’s a life or death situation. This is the one option I cannot do. Frankie, one of our cats (and Dennis would say my favorite animal although, like any mother, I say I love all my animals equally) gets very stressed with the barking. Even if we didn’t have cameras in the house to monitor what the dogs do when they’re alone, I would know if Sammy barked a lot just by how Frankie acts when we get home. He’s reluctant to come down stairs and when he does, he slinks around and is clearly nervous. This passes in a few hours if Sammy has been barking a short time. The one time we let Sammy bark for 5 hours when we were gone, it took Frankie days to recover and I was afraid he never would. I was so happy when he got back to normal. (Okay, maybe there is a teeny bit of favoritism, but don’t tell the others.)

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Frankie, my buddy.

6. Hope he grows out of it. The is the last-ditch resort, but it is possible. Sammy is still young, and like raising kids, some challenges just have to run their course.

7. Train him not to bark when we are home, so I could give the command to be quiet through the camera’s when we’re gone (they have two-way microphones). Sounds great in theory, but like many child-rearing philosophies, it’s not so easy to put into practice. I’ve tried saying “no” firmly, but I don’t even think he hears me over his own barking and having me scream “No” at the top of my lungs combined with Sammy’s barking, isn’t something the cats or Dennis want to experience.

I’ve tried threatening to put him outside if he doesn’t stop. This wouldn’t help when we’re not home, but it would help when people come over. I even followed through on my threat, because, you know you have to follow through if you want the kid to know you mean business. All that putting him outside did was to get the neighbor’s 3 dogs to join into the barking. While this whole “doggie grapevine” thing is cute in Disney movies, it’s as annoying as hell in reality.

I admit it, I’ve even tried bribery. There are gadgets which allow you to talk to your pets and dispense treats remotely. I gave him a chew toy filled with cheese to distract him. It didn’t. I tried throwing down his doggie treats. He ignored them. I fed him some deli meat which he stopped barking long enough to choke down, about 2 seconds, before he started barking again.

There’re shock collars, which I won’t do. No corporeal punishment in our house. There’s a citronella collar that our vet recommended that spritzes citronella every time he barks. The theory is dogs don’t like the smell of the citronella so they don’t bark. I would consider this option except for one thing. I have two dogs and both dogs bark. Sometimes Charlie barks first, when Sammy is quiet. This means Sammy will be spritzed with Citronella regardless of whether he barks or Charlie barks. Sounds like a pretty fun game for Charlie, but I don’t think I can do that to Sammy.

I was researching this problem online last night and several sites suggested that we trade-off dog watching services with friends who have dogs. We keep their dogs for a weekend and they keep ours a different weekend. I can just imagine asking a friend to take my yappy, unfriendly dogs; one who needs a special diet and eye drops once a day and the other who needs Metamucil and a pill everyday. Oh, and by the way, did I mention that they both both piddle around a new house to mark their territory? Charlie will claim the leg of the couch then Sammy will claim the leg of the couch and the footstool, then Charlie claims the leg of the couch, the footstool and the end table and so on. Remember that memory game where each person adds an item to a list and the first person who forgets an item loses? My dogs would rock at that game.

Trading off dog watching services probably isn’t in our future. I’m just hoping that one of these other solutions works so I’m not stuck home, babysitting the dog for the next fifteen years or so.

Much like becoming a parent for the first time, I had no idea what I was in for when I got a dog.

9:27 AM

Who Says You Can’t Relive your Childhood?

July 15, 2018 6:35 PM

It’s been one of those days for the past two weeks. Whatever inconvenient, irritating, and unpleasant event that could occur did. None of it was a life-changing event, thankfully, but it hasn’t been the greatest month either.

As I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, this is the around the time my mom died last year. She went into the hospital on June 25th and died July 10th. I handled the one year anniversary, okay, I think. I also know that it did cast a shadow on the last few weeks, which didn’t make them easier.

It all started about three weeks ago when one of my cats got a virus. Which he gave to one of our other cats. Who gave it back to him. On top of this I got sick, too. This caused the New Jersey trip to be cancelled for me and for Dennis, who had to stay home and take care of me.  That meant no testing out the swim spa, no Italian dinners and no uninterrupted writing time in the hotel for me. That also meant no cash back on my non-refundable plane ticket.

In addition to me and my and cats being sick, our appliances got sick, too. First, the hot water heater started leaking. Got that replaced just in time for the washing machine to break. And when I say break, I mean BREAK. As in the water shut off valve didn’t shut off and the washing machine flooded the laundry room, bathroom, hallway and half the kitchen.

flood kitchen

Kitchen during mid-clean-up. The water made it to the fridge. The soda on the counter was rescued from the flooded hall closet.

flood dennis

Dennis mopping up the mess. We have since invested in a wet/dry vac.

It only ran for 10 or 15 minutes before I noticed a pond of water in front of the kitchen sink, but it was enough time for the water to seep through the floor boards into the finished basement where it soaked ceiling tiles and carpet.

ceiling tiles 2

Bulging ceiling tile ready to dump water everywhere.

Unfortunately, the water didn’t impact the stove. It survived. The side counter took a hit, however, when Dennis was moving the stove out so we could dry the floor.

counter

Nothing a little super glue can’t fix.

We eventually got everything cleaned up but we’re now without a washing machine until the middle of this week. Great fun.

In the midst of the chaos, I was on Amazon searching for a book to download when Amazon suggested that I might like to buy some Chuckles. The candy. Remember Chuckles? The soft, chewy fruit candies that are crosses between Jujubee’s and gum drops?

I loved Chuckles as a kid. I didn’t know that they even made them anymore. Why, yes, Amazon. I would like to order Chuckles, thank you very much.

Since I liked Chuckles, Amazon then suggested I might like Brach’s Nougats with bits of gum drops in the them. OHMYGOD! I loved, loved, loved those as a kid! Even more than Chuckles. Yes, of course, Amazon. Send me those, too.

After the nougats, came the suggestion of Brach’s caramel chews. The flavored ones with vanilla, maple, orange and chocolate. Yum! Who doesn’t love those? Bring ’em on, Amazon.

I’m sure you can see where this is heading. Amazon suggested yet another favorite from my youth — although, this was more college years than pre-teen years. Sunkist fruit chews. The soft, gelatinous chews in raspberry, lime (my favorite), and grapefruit. Delectible! I remember driving to college munching those on a way there, listening to Bon Jovi. Gotta have those, too.

Isn’t Amazon’s One-Click ordering a wonderful thing? Okay, maybe it isn’t, but I thought it was at the time and I was in a very good mood when I was done. For the first time that week. And it’s not like I bought everything Amazon suggested. I turned down the Bit-O-Honeys and the Candy buttons (remember those? The dots you picked off the paper and ate. Except I always ended up eating some paper that got stuck on the candies, too).

After my little shopping spree was over I casually mentioned to Dennis over dinner that I ordered some candy from Amazon. I didn’t tell him how much I ordered.

The one downside to ordering candy that is hard to find in stores nowadays, is that it only comes in bulk on Amazon. As in three to five pound bags. At a minimum.  I kind of bought A LOT of candy.

Thanks to the magic of Amazon, three out of my four candies were delivered the next day. When Dennis went to pick up the box I warned him again that I ordered several kinds of candy and that they were all stuffed in one box.

It was a small, unassuming box. Maybe a little larger than a shoe box. But it was a densely packed box that had a fair amount of weight to it Dennis went to pick it up and I heard a distinctive, “oof” when he lifted it followed by a surprised look on his face. I reminded him that I told him I ordered several kinds of candy and three of the four were in that box.

He just nodded and dropped the box on the table with a thud.

I opened it up and it was glorious! I felt like a kid in Willie Wonka (the original with Gene Wilder, of course) who went into the room where everything was edible. All my childhood favorites were there in one sugar-laden, calorie-intensive, mood-altering box. It blasted me right back to my childhood where I was watching Happy Days and eating my allotted three pieces of candy a night.

That’s the good thing about being an adult and dealing with canceling trips, sick animals, and over-flowing appliances. You can eat more than your allotted three pieces of candy in a night.

And I did. For several days in a row. And it made me happy during a week when I wasn’t feeling very happy at all.

I hope that I am still as happy with my impulse purchases a year from now when we’re still working our way through twelve or so pounds of candy.

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Three of the four bags that I ordered. I ate the Chuckles first.

7:18  PM

 

DIY Dreams and Frankie

June 29, 2018 11:28 PM

I watched a couple of episodes of the TV show “Flip or Flop” last night. These DIY shows are dangerous for me. After last night’s shows, I had grand plans for remodeling our kitchen, complete with white granite countertops and a white shiny subway tile backsplash, wood floors stained in a dark, almost black finish, new gray cabinets and one of those super-cool Viking gas stoves with a double oven.

I carried the DIY dream with me through this morning, when I was making dog food. I was cooking four pounds of dog food in two large skillets on the stove. I have an electric stove that’s on its last legs. It has a smooth glass top which makes it very convenient for cats to jump on to. Whenever I cook, I’m super-careful not to leave the stove if the cats are around. This morning, in the midst of cooking, I needed something from the pantry which is maybe 5 feet from the stove. I quickly got my item, shut the pantry door and continued cooking.

I’ll admit, while I was frying the food, I was having fantasies of cooking dog food on my new Viking gas stove with the bright red temperature dials and the cooking elements that heat quickly and evenly (as opposed to mine where it’s more of a crap shoot what temperature you’ll actually get on any given day). My gorgeous subway tile back splash would wipe clean with no effort and my new super large kitchen sink that matched my granite countertop would easily hold the two skillets. I was in DIY heaven.

Once the dog food was done and the stove was cooled, I went back to the pantry for something else. Therein started the bursting of my DIY bubble as reality crept in.

Reality, in this case, was not so much the cost of such a remodel, although that is a consideration; reality came in the form of a wicker basket. A simple wicker basket that I bought at least five years ago from the Dollar Store.

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See the wicker basket sitting on the (very messy) shelf? See the cat crawling out of the very messy shelf? Yeah, that’s a problem.

Unbeknownst to me, Frankie had snuck into the pantry when I dashed in and out of it while I was cooking. We call him “The Ghost” because he just appears in places where he isn’t supposed to be. It’s gotten so bad, that we have to inventory the animals before we leave the house to make sure no one is locked in a closet while we’re gone.

The pantry is just about number 1 on the Places Frankie Isn’t Allowed to Go list. When I opened the door, Frankie was sitting in the wicker basket, on top of a peach! Seriously. He sat right on it! How is it comfortable to sit on a peach?

I didn’t care so much about the peach, however, this basket is what I use to store fresh produce from the store and farmer’s market. Bare cat butt on my wicker basket that I use for fresh food is not okay! I can Lysol my counters, and I do everytime I cook, but I can’t Lysol wicker.

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Frankie enjoying his new “toy”.

There was nothing to be done with the basket, other than turn it into a cat toy and throw it away once Frankie shredded it.  Which took him about a half hour.  I’m sure a nice sturdy Longaberger basket would take him longer to destroy. But this is exactly why I don’t own a nice Longaberger basket. I’d be a lot more upset about bare cat butt on one of those than one from the Dollar Store. I think I’ll store fresh produce in a ceramic bowl from now on, just in case Frankies sneaks into the pantry again. Who am I kidding? Not if Frankie sneaks into the pantry, when Frankie sneaks in to the pantry is a lot more realistic.

This experience brought me back to the reality that I live in and it killed my DIY kitchen remodel dream. One basket reminded me of all the reasons why we will never redo the kitchen:

  1.  I Lysol my counters every time I cook. I’m not sure there is any material, other than laminate which I have, that can withstand that without hurting the finish. This is why I now have a kitchen table that also has a laminate top. It  gets Lysoled three times a day — every time we eat there. I’m not crazy about laminate kitchen tables. It reminds me way too much of The Behemoth I grew up with. Keeping cats off the counters and the table just isn’t an option, though. I’ve tried — squirt bottles, tin foil, plastic tape, compressed air to scare them (which it did, but too much, and I felt bad). Nothing worked. They won. I buy lots of Lysol wipes.
  2. Wood floors and claws from three cats and two dogs sounds like a lot of scratches and refinishing. And a dark finish on my floor will make the gobs of white cat fur that I find on my floor look like tumbleweeds blowing across a black desert. To be fair, I could get laminate boards in a light finish that look like wood. I have those in my front hallway, but it’s not the same as wood. I’ve got enough laminate in my kitchen already, thank you, I think I’ll pass on laminate floors.
  3. Apart from not having a gas hookup for the cool Viking gas stove, I don’t think having an open flame is a good idea in my house. There have been a rare occasion where a cat has run across the back of the stove while I’m cooking on the front burners. It scares the crap out of me but it would scare me more if there was open flame involved.
  4. My subway tile backsplash is probably doable, although, I think it would make my laminate counters look all the more – laminatey and fake-looking.
  5. New cabinets will take several days, at least, to install. My cats being the little hellions that they are, cannot be trusted in an area that’s under construction. Three cats will have to live in the rec room for however many days it takes to install the cabinets and they won’t be happy about it. Unhappy cats means a lot of yowling and howling which means the dogs will be barking constantly at the basement door. Assuming Dennis and I survive all that chaos, once the cabinets are installed, Dennis will have to put magnets on all the doors like he did with the cabinets we have now (Frankie can open cabinet doors). Is getting new cabinets doable? Sure. Is standing on my head for a half hour or going to the gym everyday doable, too? Sure. None of those are going to happen, though.

Not having the most up-to-date, modern kitchen is one of the prices I pay for having animals that I love. I wouldn’t change it, either. I’d rather have cats than a fancy new kitchen.

Although, I wouldn’t turn down a new electric stove. I wonder if Viking makes electric stoves…maybe one with a double oven…

12:29

 

 

 

Sweet-Talking the Cat

Saturday, June 23, 2018 at 12:31 PM

I talk to my animals all the time. While I’m sure they’re not understanding the details, I believe they understand, through my voice tone and inflection, the message that I am trying to impart.

I read a lovely article the other day about how we should talk to our animals and how they actually do understand what we are the saying. The article went on to describe a dog who needed medical treatment and through calmly talking though what she was doing and why she was doing it, the author helped to calm the dog down enough that she was able to treat him without difficulty. The dog understood that she was helping him. What I wonderful, idea, I thought. The next time I have to give one of the animals medicine, I’m going to try this.

This morning, Herbie’s treatment escalated from the yucky paste stuff he doesn’t like but we can still get him to eat by smearing it on his feet (OCD cat tendencies to clean themselves apparently trump yucky tasting medicine), to needing to take a pill.

Herbie does not take pills. Period. Ever. We’ve tried before. He squirms and bites and no matter how far you can push it in his mouth he always manages to spit it back out, often times with impressive velocity, which causes the pill to bounce off counters and floors, flinging itself into unknown regions. Unknown regions are not okay when you have two dogs that will eat anything they find. Unknown regions involve a lot of time spent on hands and knees, searching, until the pill is found. We try to avoid unknown regions at all costs.

Dennis was skeptical when I returned from the vet this morning with a pill bottle. Then I showed him the liquid. I convinced the vet to give me the medication in both forms so I’d be assured I could get at least one into Herbie. The vet warned me that the liquid form tastes bitter and will cause Herbie to immediately foam at the mouth when he takes it. Wonderful. I decided we’re trying to get the pill down him first.

I told Dennis about the article I read. Using my most calming, soothing voice, I explained to Herbie that he needed to take a pill for a few days so he would feel better. I showed him the pill, which is small, no bigger than the kibbles he gulps down by the mouthful without chewing. I ended our conversation on a high note, acknowledging the problems he and I have had with pills in the past, and assuring him that I am confident those times are over and we’ve got this. He would have no problem taking the pill.

In a complete show of confidence that this was going to work, I sat Herbie on the kitchen island and tried to pry his mouth open and pop the pill in myself, without having Dennis hold him.

Okay, so maybe I was a little over-confident. I retrieved Herbie from the top of the cabinet and put him back on the kitchen island. Dennis held him done while I cooed to Herbie, assuring him the pill would be gone before he knew it. Herbie, however, refused to unclench his jaws. Once I got them to open part way I tried to pop the pill in but he clamped them shut before I could get it in. He did graze the side of my finger with his teeth.

I tried telling Herbie again, in a slightly more firm tone this time, that taking the pill was for his own good. There is no need to bite me as this will help no one. For try number three Dennis held Herbie by securing his back and front feet so all I had to deal with was his head. I reminded Herbie again in a soft, and reassuring voice, that I was going to give him his pill. I managed to pin his head against Dennis’ shoulder, pry his jaw apart far enough to fling the pill inside. I quickly clamped down his mouth and stroked his throat gently to get him to swallow. He wouldn’t swallow, though, so I got my small syringe of water I had prepare and I squirted that inside the side of his cheeks.

It was at that point all that hell broke loose. Herbie opened his mouth and projectile spitted the water and the pill out and on to the floor. The pill bounced into unknown regions. Herbie then kicked off from Dennis with his back feet (claws extended,  of course) and fled the scene while Sammy came running toward us to investigate what tastey morsel he heard fall to the floor.

I glanced around frantically for the pill while Dennis examined his scratches. It was two feet away from me, near the water bowl. Sammy saw it, too, and he was closer than me. I lunged for it, yelling “Sammy, Leave it!” In my best authoritative voice. Thankfully, that worked, and Sammy hesitated just long enough for me grab the pill before he ate it.

We regrouped. Clearly, the article was not meant for cats. You may be able to sweet talk a dog, but cats are different. They know what they know and they’re not about to listen to outside input.

Dennis washed off his scratches and I went upstairs to retrieve the glowering, slightly wet Herbie who was glaring at me from the top of the armoire in the bedroom.

As I carried Herbie downstairs I told him to suck it up and take it like a man. He was going to get medicated today one way or the other.

For our next try, Dennis pinned Herbie down on the counter and I got out the dreaded liquid syringe. I drew in the medicine. 1 ml. It doesn’t sound like a lot, it didn’t even look like a lot, but let me tell you, it was A LOT. I tried put in a small amount in the corner of Herbie’s mouth, but the foaming started immediately, as expected, which made Herbie clamp down his jaws even harder. When I finally pried his mouth open again, I squirted the remaining contents of the syringe inside. Poor, Herbie. He started foaming like a washing machine with too much soap.

It must taste terrible because Herbie shook his head several times sending foamy cat spittle all over us and the  kitchen. Then he left to give himself a bath on the floor of the family room in the sun while I Lysoled the kitchen.. Is Lysoled even a verb? It is in our house!

The most disconcerting part of this whole event is that we get to do this again in another 12 hours. And every 12 hours after that every day for the next week. We’’re going to become experts at this, Dennis and I, if we survive. And I’m going to need to buy more Lysol wipes. It’s going to be a long week.

Herbie eyes

There is no sweet-talking this guy into taking yucky medicine.

1:23 pm

Summer Solstice and Vet Visits

June 21st, 2018 2:27 PM

Today is the summer solstice. Last year, I wrote a blog post with several 6-month goals to work toward completing by the winter solstice. I’m not doing that this year.

I’ve haven’t checked back to see what my goals were last year at this time, but I’m sure I didn’t meet them. Life can change on a dime, and it did for me last year around this time. Since I blogged through that difficult time, now I have a written record of what I was doing and feeling on each day. I could look back and remember details I’ve no doubt forgot, but I’m not doing that this year, either.

Okay, maybe I’ll set one goal. It will be to move forward through June and July without looking back. Not realistic. I will move forward through June and July without ruminating on what was. Kinda like I did with Mother’s Day and my mom’s birthday. Acknowledge it’s different, acknowledge it’s part of the life cycle and move on.

Speaking of moving on, the real topic of today’s blog is not the summer solstice, it’s part 2 of my wonderful week without Dennis.

Things always seem to go to crap when Dennis is out of town. One time, I tripped and fell while carrying Frankie, our cat. So as not to land on him, I turned right and landed on my bad shoulder that I dislocated in Mexico a few years ago. Of course, I dislocated it again when I fell. Since I was home alone, I had to figure out how to maneuver it myself to get it back into place.

Last time he was gone, the dogs tripped me when I was coming into the house and I fell again. (Honestly, I rarely fall. It just seems to happen when Dennis is away). Thankfully, nothing was knocked out of joint that time, I was just really sore for a few days.

This time, in addition to my getting sick which I blogged about yesterday, (see the post here) Herbie, our cat, also had a minor health issue and  he had to go to the vet on Wednesday morning.

Dr. Ted, our vet,  is a very nice man. He’s the one who didn’t charge us to diagnose Charlie’s nipple (read about that adventure here). He’s a rather tall man, blonde and extremely gentle and soft-spoken. I’ve taken my animals to him for years and he’s gotten to know me. Probably a little better than he cares to.

About a year ago, I had Frankie on the examining table in his office. I was holding, Dr. Ted was examining and Frankie moved, so I leaned in to restrain him. I leaned in a little too far and my breasts assaulted Dr. Ted’s hand. This was no slight brush of the hand incident. This was a full-on, you-better-be-buying-me-dinner moment. I was mortified, but not as mortified as poor Dr. Ted. That poor man turned seven shades of red. Neither he nor I, ever acknowledged the moment, but I swear he stands a little farther away from me now than he used to.

So today, after examining Herbie, Dr. Ted said I needed to give him medicine. I remember this particular medicine. Herbie has had it before. It’s thick, like wet cement and Herbie hates it. Dennis and I can rarely get him to take it and we go through three doses for every one we get him to eat.

I explained to Dr. Ted and his vet tech that I was home alone until late that night and I asked if they could help me give Herbie the first dose. Being the very nice man that he is, Dr. Ted readily agreed.

Then came the moment of the truth. We looked at each other, Dr. Ted and I, both of us wondering how we were going to manage this. Was he remembering the last time we got in close and personal over an animal? I sure was!

I wanted no chance of a repeat performance so I went for the hind end of Herbie, far, far away from Dr. Ted who was going to give the dose. The vet tech held down his middle torso. Between the three us, it took three tries, but Dr. Ted was able to administer the dose without getting bit by Herbie or enduring another embarrassing moment with me. Another successful Mellem vet visit under his belt. I wonder if he cringes when he sees my name on his schedule?

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Herbie chilling out at the vet. He’s a very laid back guy.

So this has been my week, thus far. Not a stellar one, but not the worst I’ve experienced either. And I’m sure that this one may be a bit more entertaining to look back on next year at this time than the last one is.

3:02 PM

Charlie the Survivor and Sammy the Protector

June 20, 2018 4:19 PM

It’s been a busy, busy week. Dennis has been away on a business trip since Sunday night, so it’s just been me and the menagerie at home. I know some writers have great bursts of productivity when they sequester themselves away in a hotel alone for several days so I thought I’d give that a try this week.

I have to say, I got a lot of writing accomplished on Sunday night through yesterday. I worked on a story that I haven’t touched for four or five years and I made significant progress. I also did lots of research for it, which means I googled things like “what countries don’t have extradition treaties with the US?”, “what countries have anonymous offshore banking”, “what countries operate offshore gambling casinos”, “how to open and get money from offshore accounts”, and “what places are safe to live in the Caribbean”. (Hello, nice Mr. NSA agent. I’m writing a book. Honestly!)

If Dennis and I get audited by the IRS next year, it won’t be a coincidence.

Since I was putting in 10 to 12 hours a day writing, I didn’t bother to cook for myself. One of my meals was a frozen chicken pot pie made by a grocery store that I bought and froze a few months ago. I had that last night. As I was eating it, (it wasn’t very good) I wondered if the chicken was ok in it. It wasn’t terrible, but it tasted a bit off. For future reference, if you have to ask the question, “is the chicken good?” the answer should always, unequivocally be NO!

I was pretty tired last night, so the dogs and I were asleep by 11:00 which is early for me. At 12:30 I woke up, not feeling so well. I had to turn on the light, which I normally don’t do when I get up so I don’t disturb the dogs. Nothing I could do about it last night, I woke both of them up.

As I continued to feel worse, I went into the bathroom and was sick. Now normally, I wouldn’t write about such an event, however, it truly showed the difference in the personalities of the two dogs. As I was being sick, Sammy was right there next to me doing the doggy-equivalent of holding my hair back. He was so nervous that he was dancing around me and rubbing up against my legs. Charlie, The Survivor, on the other hand, was still in bed, sending death glares my way for waking him up and leaving the light on.

That’s the thing about survivors, they are able to detach from anyone and anything as long as they are taken care of. I suspect that’s why Charlie was able to detach from my mom and settle in so easily at my house when she died. Same thing with the kennel. He missed me, but his needs were met so life went on. Don’t get me wrong, I think I’m probably Charlie’s favorite person. As long as I keep the light off and puke quietly so I don’t disturb him.

Today, Sammy has rarely left my side. Thankfully, being sick was a short-lived event, but I still only got about four hours of sleep. Two of the cats and Sammy were wide awake and ready to play at 5:30 AM this morning. I’m really looking forward to longer nights and shorter days. If you’ve read this blog before, you know why. If you haven’t, you can find out why here.

I’m moving a little slower today than usual. I had some errands I needed to run this morning and while I was out I decided to stop at the library and pick up an actual book to read outside this afternoon (as opposed to my kindle). Sometimes it’s good to have a real book to curl up with. It was a curl up with a book kind of day.

So this afternoon, instead of making more progress on my writing, I’m lounging on the swing with the dogs. Sammy has been close by the entire time.  Every time I cough, he jumps on me and peers into my face with anxious eyes to see if I’m okay. (I assured him that I am, I just have allergies.) Talking to my animals is not abnormal for me, I do it all time. Not usually to the extent of describing my medical diagnosis, however. I guess that’s what three days of solitude with only animals to talk to will do to a person. Good thing Dennis gets home tonight.

Besides, I think Sammy and I have taken our relationship to a new level. He’s now Sammy The Protector to me.

Now I have a Protector and a Survivor. That’s a pretty good combination. Between the two of them, I think I have all my bases covered.

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This is my view from the swing. Sammy is sitting on my stomach and Charlie is wrapped around my feet. Life is good.

4:50 PM